Cleansing
by HoshisamaValmor
Summary: Alois has another breakdown.


**Author's Note:** It actually felt nice to not be able to write this at first. But I guess some things aren't forgotten.

It's been 7 years since I last wrote Alois and like Mello from Death Note, this is the last fic I intend to write on him. My five boys will have their tribute, but these two in particular have their final one.

Typed and edited to Anathema's album _'Judgement'._ I will be listening to this album many, many times.

 **Disclaimer:** Still don't own Kuroshitsuji even after all these years, no.

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Nothing had triggered this. It wasn't early morning, so creeping nightmares couldn't be blamed. Nor a wrong gesture from Hannah, if it had been during lunch time. No unexpected visit from Earl Trancy, no passivity from the Triplets, no sign of care from Hannah nor disregard from Claude. No recollection of humiliation and pain or memory of Luca. No glimpse at the mirror.

Nothing had triggered this.

Maybe the fact he could have all this to trigger a reaction was enough. Maybe he was just tired.

Maybe precisely _nothing_ had happened to trigger it, Alois broke down.

It was not unusual. Even if the Trancy mansion was served by ordinary attendants, those would be accustomed to these situations. As it were, the horde of demons certainly expected this to happen. Yearned for it, provoke it, covertly prompting small actions that would so easily create a new one, brewing his shattered mind into despair just to add seasoning to that rotten soul of his they all longed for!

"Demons, all of you! You're all just monsters, you don't-!" His ridiculous words poured out in vain attempt to relieve the pressure, the redundancy so stupid. _Was that meant to be an insult?,_ they probably thought. Demons! "Aaaaaaaargh I hate you all! Get away from me, get out, leave me alone! Why are you all serving me, _me,_ the most disgusting person alive? It's all to get into my head, to make your supper all the better, you fucking monsters! I just want to be alone, I just want to die alone!"

While Hannah seemed pained with this display, Claude was unsurprised. Bored by another tantrum, yet another childish show.

Alois wanted to rip his eyes off. Claude's and his own. Something, anything that would quench that hole in his chest, end that pain in his throat, cleanse him of all that and destroy him.

Alois screamed. Screamed, and screamed louder, piercing noise flattering between shrieking and rasping tones and making his ears ring, his head throb dangerously. His throat could be bleeding for all he cared. He hoped he'd choke on his own blood and bile and be done with all these monsters, human and demoniacal alike, and be done with himself. The useless bundle of rubbish Hannah had so carefully scattered over the dressing table was swiped away and flew to the floor harshly. Something broke into shards next to something heavy, some box he had no idea what was even doing there to begin with. Some powdering box, some jewelry, some fucking useless thing to make him appear pretty and royal? Him?

"You're in my head, you fucking - disgusting - demons!" The box was smashed against the mirror, harder, again, harder, synchronizing his screams with piercing screech of shattering glass time and again, the sound growing into duller thuds when he hit the wooden backdrop, until his rage replaced the box with his fists and the sharp coldness of the cuts it ripped deep in his hands made him gasp.

The shock of pain apeaced him for that one second that maybe he hoped for. Then it fueled his screams again, words of insult and blame not even Alois himself believed but that he shouted to make it seem true, to force a reaction out of Claude.

"Why are you all still here? You all just want the same thing, you just want me dead! I'm- you're- you..." His frustrated howl would be almost inhuman, but to those creatures it was nothing but ridiculous outburst. To Claude. "I hate you all! I hate you, Claude! You most of all, you're- you, why don't you just kill me and be done with?!"

"Our contract is not such, your Highness."

"SHUT UP!" It was painful to breathe. All the bile, all the poison he had in his body was too much for him to take it, it was corroding him from inside and he couldn't take it out, he couldn't cleanse it out. Screaming didn't help, attacking didn't help.

Bleeding could. His hands still throbbing, Alois left a trail of smudged blood on his face and blond locks as he searched for something, the only thing useful Hannah could ever do and still fail, trim his hair into that pristine beautiful doll boy image for others to fear or lust after. The scissors had fell to the corner and Alois bent over to snatch it, to stab and free the poison out his arm.

Claude acted, of course. So swiftly and apparently so effortlessly, so calmly twisted Alois's wrist to the point of bruising and clamped a hand around his face, throwing him against the wall. The impact forced the remaining air out his lungs, and once again Alois was apeaced.

He could have lifted Alois in the air by the neck. He didn't. He just held him, hand hurting his cheeks yet appearing so gentle. He could have snapped his neck with the swiftness of a caress.

He didn't.

"Your Highness." God, _Devil,_ he hated those words. His beloved words were like poison now. Claude's boredom didn't hide the contempt in his words. If anything, enhanced them. "It would be best for you to calm down. You may hurt yourself gravely."

Alois wanted to scream, but as always, he was drained. His poison and bile drained the last remaining way, the most hateful and disgusting one, streaming down his eyes and smudging Claude's impeccable gloves.

"You hate me, don't you, Claude?"

"Yes," the demon said without a break. Alois's heart skipped a beat. "Because that is what you wish for. Not love, you wish hate. You want people to hate and destroy you so you can feel like you are indeed right."

Liar.

 _Liar._

He was lying.

He was lying.

Claude didn't bother to hate him.

If he didn't bother to hate him, he would never ever love him. Alois was below anything worth to be hated for. He was just... him.

Hannah stood silent, her pain visible in her eyes, past her maid role and into her demoniacal core. She, indeed, could not hate Alois, and that was why Alois hated her so much. Everything he wanted to purge away, she wanted to help him to. Not attack him to cause him anguish. She wanted to embrace him and tell him it would be alright, not hurt Alois with lies and pain.

Claude released Alois and he let himself crumble to the floor next to the littered junk, like trash, and sobbed.

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 **おわり**

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 **Author's Note:** I'm in a process of mental cleansing and so I know all the stories will have weaker writing and simple plots, but I prefer that to continue like I have until now.

Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated if you want to.


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